“The Real Housewives of Dallas” Season 3 Episode 13 Recap
Welcome to Copenhagen! Stephanie still doesn’t know what country they are in, but by God, she hopes they speak English. Kameron lists the contents of his many pink packing cubes including, but not limited to, “swim set”, scarves, fur coat, “Jimmy Choo sparkly boots”, tennis shoes branded, backup tennis shoes in case the branded tennis shoes give him blisters and a gallon-sized Ziploc of snacks (which is actually very reasonable, I would have allowed him two ).
Brandi has something special planned: Operation #IBS. Excuse me, it’s #IBD, like in “I drink”, she said to Stephanie. In order to prove that LeeAnne already has called her an alcoholic, she plans to intentionally get drunk at dinner in order to get LeeAnne to call her an alcoholic again. Appropriately, this is the kind of ploy that only a very drunk person would think of in the first place. The game is the thing!
The sweetbreads and tartare on the menu don’t tempt the ladies, but the free shots of dill schnapps do. Skål! Brandi takes the unwanted glass from LeeAnne (skål!), And also a third, fourth and, oh my God, fifth and sixth (skål! Skål! Skål! Skål!). Brandi’s plot fails in that LeeAnne doesn’t bite the hook, but succeeds in that she gets drunk terribly.
Important update: I was right, kind of! LeeAnne didn’t invite D’Andra to buy her wedding dress until 9 a.m. the day before, #truthbomb, etc. etc. Nonetheless, Kameron wonders why D’Andra didn’t proactively call LeeAnne to find out when such an event might occur; D’Andra informs him that it is none of his business. She accuses Kameron and LeeAnne of “ganging up” against her, which is fair, and calls Kameron “ridiculously condescending”, which is – let me verify – yes, also fair. Kameron can be extremely boring and D’Andra is extremely likely to be bored.
“Calm down, D’Andra. D’Andra, look at your level and energy right now. Is that how your mom yells at you? says Kameron, a proud Ashley Jacobs graduate Say the other person’s name as much as possible Academy of Arguments.
“It’s a very slippery slope from a butt plug to an ass dart,” Kameron proclaims with total and utter seriousness, and I really have no idea what she really means, even though I am. sure it will be a long time before another sentence thrills me at this point. Have anal plugs literally ever been a topic of discussion on RHOD? Or is a butt plug just the most inherently immoral concept Kameron’s SparkleBrain could possibly conjure up?
I go with option B, thanks to that Well done Q&A with Kameron I found while googling “RHOD butt plugs”, although this is only the fifth result on the page. (Number 1 was an article titled “How to Use Anal Plugs to Fake a Gang Bang (and Other Tricks).”) So she said, “Some people in Dallas judge on money, but not me, I tell you. just judge if sex toys or anal plugs are involved. It makes me a little sad for Kam, to be honest. Christmas is coming up, and it would be my honor to personally buy it this pink bootleg Hitachi Magic Wand.
After fleeing the restaurant, Kameron and D’Andra have a long Keystone Kops confrontation on either side of the doors of the hotel’s only elevator, the opening and closing of which doesn’t prevent them from constantly yelling at each other. And then a second fire breaks out, inevitably, in the drought conditions of LeeAnne and D’Andra’s withered friendship, precisely because – I think – D’Andra says LeeAnne has only been meditating for six months, or maybe be, more implicitly, that she has only been sane for six months?
Upstairs in their baffling multi-level MC Escher sequel, LeeAnne rants all who aren’t D’Andra about how D’Andra thinks she’s always right. Then D’Andra arrives, and Kameron yells that she is “the best friend” with her stepmom (a statement that merits further consideration at a later date), and D’Andra yells at LeeAnne to “shut her up”. when it rings.
Ex-best friends don’t come to blows, exactly, but it’s close. Brandi, the muffled voice of reason, physically separates them as they gesture aggressively.
The following night, after a mundane day of cooking lessons and beer tastings, we set off for Cary’s Danish cousin’s album release party. Camille is cute and kind! The whole family looks cute and sweet, including a particularly cute and especially sweet baby!
Together, Camilla and her husband, Johan, form the band Eugenie, and their brand of atmospheric and vaguely melancholy indie pop is definitely not a Housewives vibe. But the former Kam Art School student is convinced she fits in, waving her hands around her face in a confessional like Edina Monsoon reeling on the dance floor at a event she forgot to attend. (Right now Kameron is my favorite.)
Since the only tangible result of Brandi’s alcoholic masquerade was a morning of prolific vomiting, she’s trying a different approach tonight. “Mama Dee told me you called me an alcoholic,” she told LeeAnne. Sure, she could have gone ahead and done that in the first place, but there’s no drama in there.
When LeeAnne objects to it, Cary confirms that she did say “alcoholic” in reference to Brandi. (she did!) “That’s a very bad word,” Kameron protests, despite Cary knowing Kameron was right next to LeeAnne when her ally said the nine letters of the aforementioned very bad word.
Brandi tearfully expresses how much it hurts her, and not just because of Bruin adoption not yet finalized – she admits she went through a period of drinking a bottle of wine one night while her wedding was on the rocks.
LeeAnne apologizes, apparently sincerely, then clarifies her position in a confessional.
“I don’t think Brandi is sophisticated enough to be an alcoholic,” she says. “I think Brandi is just a drunk.” This is the kind of burn that will almost certainly require a skin graft.